Failure
by twilight1192
Summary: “Bella!” Edward’s frantic voice tore at my heart." Bella goes into depression after Edward leaves. Jacob never came into her life. Could this depression be fatal? *two-shot
1. The End of Life

**I don't own twilight. All belongs to Stephenie Meyer!! This is depressing, so if you don't like sad stories, stay away. I just felt like dabbling in other departments. Don't worry, most will not be like this.**

**Reminder: Takes place after New Moon, Bella never found the motorcycles, thus, never befriending Jacob.**

**Bella POV**

As I sat on my bed – the knife, pills I stole from the pharmacy, paper, and pencil – lay on my night stand looking all the more glorious.

I gave up forcing Edward's name out of my head. It was a worthless effort. I closed my eyes as I remembered his, golden and beautiful and the way they could penetrate my soul. Tears stung my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

_No more pain._ I thought. Tonight would be the end of my pain.

Edward left me months ago. Everyone said I should've gotten over him. Nobody knew how attached I had _believed_ we were. But in the end, I guess I was never really good enough for him.

I didn't blame him. I knew it was my entire fault. I would never be perfect enough for Edward. I was fragile, clumsy, I doubted too often.

Dwelling on that accomplished nothing though. I had to focus on other things.

I sat in the shortest shorts I could find and a white tee. I wanted everyone to see my cuts when they found me.

Looking at my legs and arms, I remembered each cut vividly. On my left leg, "FAILURE," had been carved so I would never forget that _I _was the one who made Edward leave.

My right thigh had cuts in the shapes of X's for every memory I wished was erased.

On my left arm I had cut across from the top of my shoulders, to my wrists. I had 25 cuts in all. I _always _wore long sleeves.

The right arm was where I had carved an eye. The swollen pink lines were still fresh from last week's cuts.

I regretted none of it.

Charlie had tried to put my on some sort of pill that would "cure" me. There was no cure for heart break. If anything, I had sunken deeper into this depression. I still don't blame Charlie.

I thought about all the tests I had failed and the "friends" I'd let down. They didn't truly care. No one did.

Alice called once, I could hear her squeaky voice when Charlie answered. I ran to my room and cut an X into my leg, hoping it would erase Alice.

It didn't.

I started cutting for pain then. So I wouldn't be so hurt for emotional reasons. The cuts were physical pain that I had reason to be hurt for. They were rational reasons.

Plus I deserved it. I deserved pain. I needed to punish myself for thinking that Edward had _loved_ me.

He needed to let me have a normal life. I laughed bitterly at that. Was this what a normal life was? Always fighting through the pain – the ever present numbness?

The worst part was that if Edward would somehow find out about my cutting, he still wouldn't have cared.

My heart ripped further when I realized that. That's when I carved the eye. It was to make me believe that he still cared. That he still watched out for me.

That was a worthless effort as well.

I was a failure now. No one could depend on me. I stopped cooking a month after Edward left. Charlie went back to the way things were before I showed up and ruined his perfectly fine life.

He gave up on me – like everyone else – after I stopped cooking. I only came out of my room to use the bathroom and to go to school.

I don't know why I went to school, I maintained an F in every class proudly. It was my mark, my trade if you will, to fail.

I grabbed the paper and pencil and began to write.

"Good bye Charlie. I've failed you, _again. _

I hope life will get better for you once I'm gone.

Bella"

I opened the pill bottle and took 20 pills out. The box said 10 would kill you.

I swallowed them one at a time, feeling each one slide down my throat.

My head was spinning and the lines around my vision started to blur. I grabbed the knife and stabbed myself in the crease of my elbow. From there I cut my skin apart to the edge of my hand.

Blood poured out of my skin. The blurred lines sharpened surprisingly as the pain cleared my head. Tears leaked from my eyes endlessly.

I looked out my window as the rain hit my window like any other night. But unlike any other night a horror stricken face stared at me. My head cocked slightly, fear was the last thing on my mind, as I strained to see who it was.

My head started to spin more dizzily than before when Edward stepped in my room.

"Bella?!" Edward's frantic voice tore at my heart. I could feel my heartbeat underneath the skin of each scar, as if I'd just cut.

I laughed bitterly as my head hit the pillow.

**Review please! I know it's sad, but is it good?**


	2. The End of Existence

**Alright, you don't have to push me to hard to get another chapter. Haha. I've given up my idea for a one-shot. I just can't deny you guys.**

**A/N: I don't own twilight.**

**Edward POV**

I sat in my old bedroom. Nothing had perceivably changed. Although I knew it had. It wasn't the same. There was no happiness, no joy. It was depressing. It wasn't Bella.

It had been almost a year since I'd seen my angel. I was so stupid for not going to her sooner. I was stupid for leaving in the first place.

I hoped she would take me back. After all the pain I was positive I'd caused her, I hoped fervently that she would forgive me.

I knew it had been hard for her. She was addicted to me like I was addicted to her. If I could cry, in these last 9 months, I would have.

Every night was a darkness I couldn't escape. Life wasn't worth living. If that's even what I had, a life. You couldn't call it that really. It was more of an existence. I was there. I was present in body, but in mind I was hopelessly drowning in a depression so deep I couldn't get up for days at a time.

It was more of a pain to try and not say her name. Instead, I welcomed the pain. As long as it meant I could look at Bella in my mind, and say her name.

Eventually the pain was so intense that I couldn't hear the voices around me. I felt was pain. I was pain.

Even when I'd left Carlisle I'd never been this miserable. I prayed that Bella wasn't this bad. I prayed she had moved on. I wouldn't have cared who it was. Anyone would have been better for her then me.

I was a monster. Bella deserved better, she deserved life. I could only bring her heart break. Eventually it would have been like this, me gone. Why stretch out the inevitable?

My ignorant conscious would argue though, _what if it _had_ worked out?_

I hated myself for thinking that. I had to think of what was best for Bella.

Dwelling on this was useless – pointless even. If I was ever going to get Bella back I had to be sure of myself.

I took a few deep breaths. This would work out. If Bella complied, that is.

I would go to her, apologize and wait. I would wait for the forgiveness and trust before I ever asked her to be my girlfriend again. I would get her trust back. It would be ridiculous if we rushed into it. We had to reach closure first.

I slowly stood from my black leather couch.

I pulled some shoes and laced them without really thinking about it.

I walked down the stairs to find Emmett and Alice waiting at the bottom.

"Edward you need to stop this. You're upsetting Esme with this depression." Emmett started to lecture me.

"Emmett, shut up, you know nothing. Go Edward. I hope it works out for you. I can't see what she'll decide. I do know, though, that she's making horrid decisions currently." Alice eyed me carefully.

I was running outside the door before she could utter another word.

When I took my first step outside, the pouring rain hit me like bullets. It was cold and hard. I ran faster than I ever had before.

When I reached the edge of Bella's yard her scent hit me like a ton of bricks.

I ran and jumped to her window sill. I looked in her window first, making sure she was awake. I wasn't prepared for the sight that I found.

Bella was covered in scars. Cuts were everywhere on her body. Her perfect legs and arms were ruined. She had lost weight, she was almost bones. Her hair was ratty and she looked like she'd just gone to hell and back.

But she was still Bella.

On her night stand sat a knife, pills and water, and pencils and paper. I saw she'd written on the paper already. I ignored it though. The pills were my main concern.

Bella's bone hands picked up the bottle. I watched as she swallowed each pill individually – 20 in all. I couldn't move. My face was horrified. I could feel that. But I couldn't open the window to stop her. My body was frozen.

She sat the pill case down and her head started to droop. She picked up the knife and stabbed it into the crease of her elbow. She pulled it all the way down to her wrist. The over powering scent of her blood filled my head, but still I did not move.

Bella looked out her window and cocked her head when she saw me. Her eyes squinted and she leaned forward slightly.

I finally opened her window and stepped into her room.

"Bella?!" My voice was shaky and I didn't know what to do.

I heard her heartbeat race suddenly. Her face was mangled into an expression I couldn't describe.

Bitterness.

Bella laughed – not the old beautiful laugh – bitterly. Her body fell and my angels head hit the pillow at the same time her heart abruptly stopped.

**There you go! Hope it satisfied you. Sequel?**


	3. AUTHORS NOTE

**AUTHORS NOTE!**

I did in fact put up a sequel. In case you hadn't figured that out yet.

It's called Forgiveness and it will be a story, not just a one shot.

Hope you enjoy it,

twilight1192


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